I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
