i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
