I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
