You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
