South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
this hospital has no fireball
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
