Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nicole vs. Life
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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