ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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