i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
