she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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