Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I will be naked everywhere
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
