Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
