I puked a lego.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
where are my eyebrows?
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