I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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