So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
