but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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