I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
