just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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