Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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