is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
