Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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