Whats the glycemic index on semen?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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