Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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