there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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