Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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