Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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