i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My penis needs a shock collar
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I believe in your delicious
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
