...so i touched it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
