I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
