i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think my mom watched the whole time
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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