I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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