My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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