I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
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The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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