That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
