I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
