she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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