somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
