Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
