I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
