somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
