im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
