I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
