I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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