he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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