There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You were trust falling into bushes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
