look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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