Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
