It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
