yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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