Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
a search helicopter?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
