I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
