By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
