your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I believe in your delicious
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
