Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
