i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
