all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
