Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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