He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
