u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
try to milk me bitch
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
