I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
