There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
