well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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