He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
