Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
