he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
