My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
