it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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