I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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