textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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