And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
