Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
