Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
