The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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