Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just google imaged poop.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
