It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
