how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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