Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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