The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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