you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
