the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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