fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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