in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
