I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
