my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Houston, we have a blender
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
