know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
