i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Randomize
