that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
