when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
