i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
