can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize